Moving Forward
by ChaiGrl
Summary: FOUR BROTHERS The Mercer brothers go through Jack's room hoping that it will be the start of moving forward in their lives and coming to terms with their brother's death. Rated T for language just to be on the safe side. oneshot


MOVING FORWARD

I own nothing pertaining to the _Four Brothers_ movie. So don't sue me!

"BOBBY! HELP ME! BOBBY!" The screams had jerked Bobby Mercer awake from his slumber once again. It seemed to him that that was all he heard when he closed his eyes; the screams coming from his baby brother calling out for him. He could see Jack laying on the frozen ground turning the white snow red with blood. Jackie's blood. He could feel the tears wanting to come out again as he glanced over at the neon numbers of the clock. "3:18." Just great he thought as he threw the blankets off himself. Climbing out of bed he walked silently down the hallway. He knew that he would never be able to fall back asleep tonight.

Before he realized it, Bobby found himself standing in front of Jack's room. He hadn't even realized that that was where he was headed. Bobby tentatively reached out and gripped the doorknob. Fuck he thought as he pulled his hand away and purposefully headed in the other direction towards the staircase. As he stormed down the stairs, Bobby completely ignored the fact that Angel and Sofi were still sleeping. The next thing he knew was that he had kicked over the coffee table screaming and swearing his head off.

That was how Angel found his brother. Personally, he was wondering when his older brother was going to explode. He sat down on the stairs and waited until Bobby calmed himself down. After it looked like a tornado came through the family room, and Bobby had stopped his screaming, he made his presence known.

"You ok Bobby?"

Bobby whipped around to see Angel sitting on the stairs. "Oh yeah. I'm fine Angel. Sorry to wake you up. I was just…" Bobby took a look around the room and then back at his brother. "Ok. I guess I lost it there for a second." He explained while flipping the coffee table back onto its legs.

"I miss him too, Bobby" Angel admitted.

Bobby once again looked around at the mess that surrounded him and then walked over to where his brother sat. "I know you do brother. It's just…I keep hearing him screaming. You know?"

"Yeah I know. He looked so messed up Bobby. Jack had been roughed up a lot in his life, but… it's not fair."

"Hey." Bobby nudged Angel with his shoulder. "When has life EVER been fair to us?"

Both men sat there in silence, each engrossed in their own thoughts until Bobby finally spoke up again.

"Angel?"

"Huh."

"Have you been in his room yet?"

Angel turned his head to face him. "No," he said shaking his head.

"Me either" Bobby admitted, but then continued "but I found myself at his bedroom door earlier and I really did want to go in." Bobby paused as if he was collecting his thoughts.

"But?" Angel prodded.

"But every time I get ready to turn that doorknob I cop out. Cause a part of me pictures his punk ass sitting there on his bed strumming that guitar of his, but I know he won't be. And I don't know if I can handle that." He admitted softly.

"I know what you mean Bro, I do. But… there is a really strong part of me that also wants to go in." Angel told him.

Bobby let out a long sigh. "Ok." He stated. "How about we go in right now?" He asked him.

"Now? As in this very minute?" Angel asked looking at him surprised and sounding as though he regretted opening his mouth before.

"Yeah Now." Bobby stated. "Why not?"

"Why Bobby? Because…because… Jerry ain't here, and because it's late. I mean early. He stammered looking for any excuse he could pull out of his ass.

Bobby looked back over at his brother. "You're such a pussy. You know that." He told him. "Lets call Jerry then."

"Bobby it is 3:30 in the fucking morning!" he told him slowly.

"Yeah so. I bet you he's up. We're up." He pointed out.

"Not from a lack of trying." Angel muttered under his breath. "Ok fine. But when he picks up the phone all pissed off cause you woke him, I'm putting this whole thing on you."

Bobby looked over at Angel and gave him his trademark grin. "And what is new about that little brother?" he asked standing up and heading towards the phone in the kitchen. Angel sat there for a minute looking dumbfounded then stood up and followed his older brother into the kitchen.

**Jerry's House**

Jerry lay in bed with his wife nuzzled next to him; neither of them sleeping. He could tell that his wife was tired, but was awake trying to be of some sort of comfort to him. He still couldn't believe that Crackerjack was gone. Jerry spent the night telling his wife stories about him and the trouble they all got into when they was kids. He noticed her eyes were slowly closing involuntarily while listening to him, when suddenly it seemed that the whole house shook awake when the phone rang startling he and his semiconscious wife. Looking over Camille, he gave her a sad smile. "It is either Bobby or Angel, and I'm betting it's Bobby" he told her as he picked up the receiver.

"Hello Bobby."

"Hey Jerry. How did you know it was me?" he asked.

"Brotherly intuition." Explained Jer.

"Huh, what do you know." Bobby answered back, but Jerry could also hear him telling Angel "I told you so. So you seem wide awake Jerry."

"Couldn't sleep Bobby and from the sound of things over there it seems as if you couldn't either."

"Yeah. We're having some trouble. Listen Jer do you maybe want to come over. We…well Angel and I was just thinking of possibly going over Jackie's room a bit. And we felt that you'd want to be here. With us." He added.

Jerry could hear the desperation and embarrassment in his brother's voice even as he tried to hide it. But he knew that Bobby was putting Jack's death all on his shoulders and his shoulders alone. Jerry let out a sigh and looked over at his wife.

"Bobby it's 3:30 in the morning."

"I know that Jerry, but are you really going to end up falling back to sleep?"

Jeremiah looked over at his wife and saw her nod her head at him. "Go." She whispered. Jeremiah nodded back to her.

"Alright. I'll be there in fifteen." he said as he hung up. Jerry looked over at his wife once again. "This is going to be a long night." He told her. "You three need to do this," said Camille. "It was horrible what happened to Jack and he didn't deserve it. But he wouldn't want you three blaming yourselves."

"I don't know Camille. You didn't hear him screaming for us. For Bobby. I mean we're his big brothers. We are supposed to protect him and I know" he told her. "I know he believed that we would. And that is what hurts so much."

"Baby." She started.

"I have to go" he told her as he climbed out of bed. Camille watched in defeat and hurt as her husband left the room.

Please Lord she prayed Let us get through this next hurdle.

Back at the Mercer house, Angel and Bobby were putting the coffee on and pulling the beers out. Each was engulfed in their own thoughts as Jerry walked through the front door mumbling about their Mother's house being trashed once again. As he made his way over to the table and sat down Bobby was pouring him a cup. After sitting and drinking, Jerry finally decided to take the initiative. "Let's start this." He told them as he stood and headed up the stairs.

I stood there and stared at the door one again. It seemed ridiculous to have such a hard time to do such a simple everyday act. I mean all I had to do was reach out and turn the fucking doorknob. I even had a support team backing me up. Granted now neither one of them could step up to the plate and handle this, but expected their big brother to handle it. Like Jackie expected me to save him, until the very end Bobby thought. He finally had enough as he glanced over his shoulder at his brothers then reached forward. "Fuck it." He said and finally pushed open the door and walked into Jack's sanctuary.

The three brothers all stood in the center of the room and looked around as if seeing their brother's room for the first time. Jack was right Bobby thought, Ma did keep everything the way it was. Posters covered the dark blue walls, cds littered the floor, bed wasn't even made yet, and his duffel from New York was lying next to it. Bobby sat down on the messy bed and pulled the duffel into his lap. "Lets see what the Fairy brought with him from the big city." He told his brothers while unzipping the bag.

By this time Angel had sat down on the floor leaning against the bed while Jerry sat down next to Bobby.

"Probably nothin much." Jerry told him. "Jack always traveled light and he brought his guitar here. The kid never felt he needed more than what he could carry. Well, besides what was in this room."

"Yeah Bobby. Jack didn't have much at all in New York. I visited him there about a year ago and he didn't have much in the shit hole he called an apartment." Angel put in.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see" Bobby shot back. Pulling out the clothes, he laid them carefully beside him on the bed. "Huh. Look at this, a box of used condoms. Hopefully Fairy was using them on the correct sex." He joked.

Jerry looked over at his brother and anger rose inside of him at the remark. Bobby never knew when to keep his mouth shut. Jack really hated that Bobby called him that, but Jack loved and idolized Bobby and therefore played it up as if it didn't bother him. But Jerry knew cause of Jack's past the sexual remarks got to him.

"Man enough with the damn Fairy crap!" Jerry shouted surprising the other men and shot up off of the bed. "Jeeze he HATED it and only put up with it because it was you Bobby! You had to have figured out what happened to him before he came to live here. You heard him cry in his sleep and saw how long it took him to adjust to us touching him in a playful manner or even to Ma when she hugged him. So please just lay off it."

Bobby stared at Jerry with his mouth slightly ajar as Jerry sat back down. "You sure don't say anything unless it's worth saying do you?"

Jerry opened his mouth to retaliate, but Angel beat him to the punch. " Both of ya shut up." Both men looked over at their now youngest sibling with their mouths shut. "Thank you. Now let's continue. Anything else in there Bobby?"

"Uhhh let's see. His nightmare book." He told them while passing it off to Jerry "And looks like a concert scheduling book or something like that."

"Jackie hadn't been sleeping too well these past couple of months," Jerry told them while flipping through the book. "Jesus, Jack" he whispered. It seemed that Jack wasn't all up front with his brothers on how he was doing. Bobby had now moved on to the side pockets of the duffel. Inside he found Jack's shaving stuff and what not, but also two prescription bottles.

"Hey guys look at these" he said holding up the bottles.

"What are they for?" asked Angel.

Before Bobby even read the labels, Jerry spoke up. "One is Zoloft and the other is a sleeping pill."

"Boy, you're just chalk full of information today aren't you Jer." Bobby told him sounding slightly pissed.

"How the fuck do you know that?" Angel yelled.

"Well in his sleeping journal he has it written down when he took the pill and Ma told me that Jackie started using the anti-depressants." He told them softly.

Angel looked from Jerry to Bobby. "Why the fuck didn't we know about this?" he asked. "Did you know Bobby?"

"No I didn't. Did he tell you Jerry?"

"Are you all crazy? Do you think that Crackerjack would admit to any of us that he was on anti-depressants? No way. He'd feel that he was being weak in our eyes. You guys should have talked to Ma more. She's the one who helped him find the right prescription." Jerry explained.

"Is that connected to his unusually high smoking habit by any chance?" Angel asked.

"Yes! See the antidepressants messes with your chemistry so he smoked a bit more then he used to. Probably didn't help him as much as he thought it did or if at all."

Bobby had been silent the whole time. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did he know his brother at all? "I feel like I didn't even know him." Bobby admitted.

"Don't say that Bobby. We all have secrets and our demons that we hide in the closet." Angel told him.

"So it doesn't bother you that you didn't know about this Angel?"

"Of course it does Bobby. But I know Jackie. Jack has always been quiet. As much as he could be the tough son of a bitch who could kick someone's ass, or have our backs at anytime, he was still the sad, hurt puppy of the family. So it really doesn't surprise me that he hid this." Angel explained.

The men once again fell into uncomfortable silence as they got back to work looking around the room. They didn't find much else that they didn't already know about. Jack, as much as he was complicated, was a very simple person. He always felt that he didn't need anything else as long as he had his music and his precious guitar. The guitar Bobby thought. Jack's most prized possession. He saw the case leaning against the wall right next to the headboard of the bed. Right within his reach Bobby thought and a smile came to his face as he reached over for it. Stretching himself out on the bed, Bobby released the clasps to the case and pulled it out. Strumming the chords a few times brought his brothers' attention back over to him.

"Maybe we shouldn't play with it Bobby." Angel expressed

"Why not?" asked Bobby.

"Cause that there is ALL Jack. I mean we should have buried it with him or something." Angel told him while taking the guitar away from his brother and sitting down with it at the foot of the bed.

"Are you crazy Angel?" Jerry laughed and plucked the guitar from Angel's grasp. "Jack would have killed us it we had put this thing in the ground."

"You're right Jerry. I think he would have come back and killed us if we did. Meant too much to him." Bobby told them while peering into the case.

Inside the case, were pictures stuck all over the sides. Most were of them growing up, some were of people he didn't know, concert tickets and programs. It was a whole collage of a variety of things. The bottom of the guitar held even more pictures just thrown inside. "Hey guys check these out." Bobby handed over pictures that he was through with.

"Man where did he get all of these?" asked Angel

"Who knows? Probably from Ma, she kept everything and then some," laughed Bobby. "Look at this one." While Bobby was pulling out more photos and mementos, when he noticed there was a slit in the fabric. Poking his fingers in, he felt a piece of folded paper tucked safely away and pulled it out. It turned out to be an envelope with a sticky note on it saying "Please mail if found" "Guy's look what I found." Bobby told them while ripping open the envelope.

"What is it?" questioned Jerry.

"Looks like a couple of letters that were supposed to be sent to us one day. One says 'Bros' on it, the other says 'Mom.'" Bobby replied suddenly sounding nervous. He had a feeling of what it said inside.

"Well read it Bobby. Come on." Angel told him.

"Fine," he told them both then started to read his brother's words off the page.

_Hey Bros,_

_If you're reading this then I'm assuming I'm dead cause I'd never allow you to see this otherwise. I just wanted to tell you all "thank you." Thanks for giving me a family and making me the fourth of the three Mercer Brothers. When I was growing up I never would have imagined in all of my wildest dreams that I would have a real family. Brothers that actually had my back and hung out with me or in your case put up with me. You didn't have to but you did and that meant everything to me. Listen whatever happened to me, it wasn't your fault. Especially you Bobby. You always blame yourself when something happens to one of us. You can't carry everything on your shoulders. So just let it go man. You three take care and stay out of trouble as much as possible. I'll be sure to see you around._

_-Jack_

_Also DO NOT read Mom's letter. That is private. As if you all know what the word "private" even means anymore._

The three men sat there once again in silence. Jerry had taken the letter from Bobby and reread it to himself. He looked over at Angel who seemed to have found the ceiling suddenly interesting, then over at Bobby who had tears coming down face.

"Bobby," Jerry started slowly and seriously. "Jack doesn't blame you and neither do I. Neither does Angel. You did your best to get to him, we all did. But he told you right here that he doesn't want you to blame yourself. See how well he knew you man. I mean I could actually picture Crackerjack sitting and writing this letter. It was direct and simple. Got straight to the point."

"I'm glad we found it." Said Angel. "Cause we weren't able to tell him anything before he died. At least he was able to tell us."

Bobby could only nod in response.

"What should we do about Mom's letter? Should we read it? Questioned Angel.

"No!"

"Yes!"

Jerry and Bobby both spoke at the same time.

"Bobby. That letter was for Mom only. Let's just do what he asked for once."

"Jerry. We ain't never respected his wishes while he was living why should we start now?" Bobby laughed slightly. "And seriously. With Mom gone, the letter should get read by somebody. Who better then us. So who wants to do the honors?

Jerry and Angel both stared at one another, neither of them backing down.

"Jesus. I got myself a bunch of little sisters instead of brothers" he mumbled as he started to unfold the letter.

"You know you love us Bobby." Angel told him.

"Shut up and listen Angel" as he started to read the letter.

_Mom, _

_I just wanted to say thanks for giving that word meaning in my life._ _You gave me everything I never thought possible. You gave me a safe place to live and three other brothers. An actual, real family. I never knew that type of love or care ever existed until you took me in and gave me a chance. I love you. You were my guardian angel and now I'll be yours. Take care of the other three delinquents. I have a feeling they care more about me then they would ever admit. _

_-Jackie_

"Well we got Jackie's closure out of the way." Angel told them. "But what about ours?"

"The pain ain't going to go away in a night little brother. You know that. But look at where we are. We weren't able to come into his room an hour ago, and now we're here reading letters and looking at old photos. We'll manage. We're the Mercers" Jeremiah explained to him. Sounding the wise man he was.

"You ok Bobby?" Angel asked his oldest sibling.

"No" he admitted. "But look at this" he told them holding up the picture. "Do you remember how I partially burnt down the Christmas tree that year." He grinned.

"Well Bobby you do for some reason love to burn shit down." Jerry laughed.

"Look at this one" Angel showed them. "Halloween. The Mercer Family hockey team. Jeeze did we steal a lot of candy from other kids."

"Yeah and here is all of us at one of Bobby's games. I'm sure we were watching him getting thrown out for some reason." Jerry showed them as they pulled out more pictures.

The Mercer brothers spent the rest of the morning going over the pictures that Jack had and reliving their childhood. Sofi even surprised them with a huge breakfast. Only when Bobby started yelling at her, questioning why she was sitting her ass down at the table with them did the mood lighten. Angel once again got caught in the middle of the argument and Jerry just sat back and watched everything unfold as he ate his meal. Things may never be the same for the Mercer family, but they were on their way to figuring it out with each other.

The End

Please review! I love to hear what you think!


End file.
